Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
