Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
