i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
