I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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