This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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