He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
