You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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