She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
