just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
