I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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