My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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