I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
