why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
