He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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