i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
