Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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