The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
