I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
