you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
