just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
