I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
