No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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