THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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