I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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