i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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