my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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