Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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