and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
