It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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