Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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