Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
