Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
