rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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