i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
