I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
