Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
