dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
