Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
