$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
