i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she told me i tasted like america
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
