Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
