im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to stop coming to work sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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