i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
