So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Vodka?
Forever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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