I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
handjob tips. give me some.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
