I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
