You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
