I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
