Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
