What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
